#1 Grey’s Anatomy
The average viewer of Grey’s Anatomy isn’t aware that the title of the show is taken from a 1858 anatomy textbook which was highly influential towards the understanding of the human body. Instead, “Grey’s anatomy” just sounds like a wang joke. ER did medical drama better almost a decade earlier, and without dumb nicknames for the bone-able doctors. It’s so bad that it has its own parody: Children’s Hospital.
#2 Teen Mom / 16 and Pregnant / Teen Mom OG
MTV’s production about the perils of making babies while you’re still a baby could have been a socially-conscious discussion about responsibility. Instead, motherhood is never treated with the abject terror that it should be for unemployed, uneducated bumpkins with dreams of stardom. It’s the cheapest kind of celebrity, and it’s a terrible example that’s being provided to a very soft-brained audience. End it before Preteen Mom is even a possibility.
#3 2 Broke Girls
In a perfect world, 2 Broke Girls would be the perfect dark sitcom, so completely terrible that it makes the full loop around the Mobius strip and becomes funny again. Instead, it just stops short at unwatchable. Beth Behrs (the blond one) is a nauseating parody of comedy, and it’s unsurprising that repeat comedy failure Whitney Cummings is responsible for the bland monstrosity.
#4 Saturday Night Live
Forty seasons in, SNL is more of a tradition than a TV show, often ranking in lists of the best TV shows of all time, but none of that glory comes from the last two decades. A few stand out comedians like Will Forte and Kristen Wiig aside, SNL has become a clearinghouse for the unmemorable. When MadTV has produced more recognizable actors than you, you know you’re doing something wrong.
#5 Real Housewives
Every Real Housewife is terrible, no matter where they’re from. The series depends on the fact that bored people get off on watching the manufactured drama of rich people, and it actively makes the world a worse place. We only have one Earth; why waste any resources on making the talentless rich even richer? The American Dream is dead. It saw one episode of this and killed itself.
#6 The Simpsons
It’s time to have a cow. The Simpsons has been dragging its jaundice-yellow corpse across TV for at least a decade too long. Moving stories about a quirky family have become a parody-of-the-week celebrity-guest-star waste of time. Every worthwhile writer left for better shows years ago, and with the departure of Harry Shearer, the voice of Mr. Burns, Smithers, Flanders, and at least 20 other main characters, there’s nothing left to save.
#7 The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Take a legendary show and plug in the weakest SNL cast member you can find. Make sure he was in blockbuster films like Doogal and Bucky Larson, and performs terrible musical parodies. Fallon might be like some kind of easily-digestible comfort food for most, but it’s comfort food that’ll eventually clog your arteries and kill you. Yes, Jimmy Fallon will kill you.
#8 Modern Family
Modern Family was cute when the horrible children were young and still had a chance to grow into acting. Bad news, folks – none of them ever really learned to act. Sofia Vergara has no excuse. The novelty of seeing an old Al Bundy shuffle around the screen wore off long ago, leaving a single likeable cast member in Ty Burrell, and an audience shouting at the screen for him to get away from those terrible people.
#9 Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives
If there’s anything worse than watching Guy Fieri dip his frosted-tip fingers into a vat of sauce while meat grease slithers through his beard, it probably exists in the more desperate parts of Hell. What started as an excuse for Fieri to ogle his way across every Hooters in the USA quickly became a poorly-staged commercial for any restaurant willing to pick blond hairs out of their burgers for the next week. It’s gross, and it needs to be stopped.