APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

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To all you Fathers out there whom might have a daughter who is old enough to start dating, this application form can help you on the way for the perfect date partner..

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background
check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.

    1. NAME:_________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH:____________________
    2. HEIGHT:___________  WEIGHT:____________   I.Q.__________  GPA____________
    3. SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________

      DRIVERS LICENSE#___________________________ BOY SCOUT RANK:______________

    4. HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________

      CITY/STATE_________________________________________  ZIP_________________

    5. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?    yes? _______  no? ________
    6. Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
    7. Do you own a van? _________  A truck with oversized tires? ______________

      A waterbed? _________ Tattoo? ____________ Wear your pants low? _________

      Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring? _______________________

      (IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)


    1. In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU?
      ________________________________________________________________________

      _________________________________________________________________________

    2. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

    1. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?  _________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

    1. Congregation you attend:_________________________________________________

      How often do you attend?_________________________________________________

When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends?
(supply phone numbers) __________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

    1. What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________

 

ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.

 

    1. “If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is

      ________________________________________________________________________

    2. “If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________

      _________________________________________________________________________

    3. “A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
    4. “The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________

      _________________________________________________________________________

    5. “When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________

      _________________________________________________________________________

 

(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion.)

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, “SOLDIER ANT” TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, AND ELECTROCUTION.

 

___________________________________________   ________________
SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)          Date

Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and “one-size-fits-all” cement shoes will notify you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOTE: A copy of this application was given to me by a waitress
(can’t remember her name) at a restaurant (can’t remember it either) in Nashville.

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